*70 and above
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear
People in Michigan go swimming in the Lakes.

* 60 above
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat
People in Michigan plant gardens.

*50 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

*40 above
Italian & English cars won't start
People in Michigan drive with the windows down

*32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

*20 above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

*15 above
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

*0
People in Miami all die...
Michiganders lick the flagpole.

*20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

*40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

*60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Michigan Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

*80 below
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Michigan rent some videos.

*100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

*297 below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products
Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

*460 below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Michigan start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

*500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Lions win the Super Bowl!

Except for that last one! That's not funny!